I’m a big fan of being right. It always scores as a high need on my personality test results, and is part of the reason I do lots of thinking before I speak and am usually measured in my words. I am also a big fan of doing right – partly because I want God to be honored in my life – but also because I want to leave the spaces I occupy better than I found them. But the last couple weeks I’ve been meditating on the downside of focusing on being right.

The concept began developing as I struggled my way through this current transition in my life. My husband’s mom, Fran, always encouraged us to ask the Lord to give us a Scripture verse to meditate on for situations we faced. This twenty-five year old practice has proven profoundly helpful in my life, so I began listening for what this current season’s verse might be.

It first showed up in a sermon podcast. Psalm 37:3a encourages us to “Trust in the Lord and do good.”

Doing good requires me to take my eyes off myself, see others’ needs, and determine how I can meet them. It reminded me of a Rick Warren quote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

Doing good is fulfilling when its being done for someone who you is appreciative (or who at least isn’t acting like a big jerk). But doing it for someone who is acting entitled or being mean is a whole different experience. My mom and I were talking about this and she referred to Jesus’ instructions to turn the other cheek. She reminded me too often we misinterpret that for weakness, when in reality the person turning the other cheek is the one with the power. They are not allowing their adversary to control their response. It takes great self-control and courage.

Which led to the second sighting of the verse in action. Pollyanna is one of mom’s and my favorite books and we decided to watch the film version as neither of us had seen it in years. One of mom’s pet peeves is when someone criticizes someone for being a “Pollyanna,” as meaning they are foolishly oblivious to negative circumstances. It is a profoundly incorrect description of Pollyanna. In the story, the 11 year old orphan transformed her community by refusing to let negative circumstances steal her joy. Her aunt, her pastor, and most of the other grownups in her life were obsessed with being right and continually battling to show how right they were. But Pollyanna simply ignored their war. Instead she actively sought the good in both people and circumstances and that focus fostered kindness, goodness, and stronger relationships.

Pollyanna’s active hard work to seek goodness not only transformed her community but it personally provided her with strength to combat the weariness that naturally accompanies negative circumstances. Because let’s be honest, turning the other cheek is exhausting work. Seeking needs around you and figuring out how to help meet them is exhausting work. And when we’re exhausted, it becomes easy to be mean. Or even just thoughtless.

My friend Lisa and I have been through lots of tough times over the twenty years of our friendship. She always speaks truth to me in love, (even when it stings) and we all need a couple of those people in our lives. While discussing my current situation, she said it reminded her of the Biblical character Joseph and how God can turn anything around for our good.

Lisa was referring to the attacks on my character, but it got me thinking about Joseph in general. He was tremendously gifted and ultimately achieved great success, but he first had a long journey of learning humility. The Joseph we see welcoming his brothers to Egypt is not the same Joseph we saw when he told his brothers decades before he would be in authority over them. He was right – but he was thoughtless in his “rightness.” The older Joseph knew he had been right, but with humility, he did good for his brothers.

So that’s my goal for this season. I am committed to “Trust in the Lord and do good.” I will turn the other cheek, and seek the good in people and circumstances. Some days I will do it swimmingly and some days I won’t. Some days I’ll like it and some days I’ll do it internally kicking and screaming. I’ll take time to self-evaluate and when I recognize I’m worn out I will take time to refresh myself so I can better “do good.” I made a diagram to help me visualize the consequences of my choices. It is not scientific but if it helps you I hope you’ll use it too.

Just maybe the reason our culture seems so ugly right now is our obsession with being right. It’s creating an arrogance that erodes relationships and unity. It makes us feel better about ourselves but at the same time is creating a national crisis of loneliness.

Maybe together we can try changing our focus to doing good and see if we get better results than what we’re currently experiencing?